Wakeface

whoops

wakeface — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 03:47:32 +0000

sometimes i use false and vacuous statements just because i feel like i’m socially expected to. and by sometimes, i mean about 80% of the time. *need to find people i really want to talk to.
**more need to stop being so cynical, judgmental, and bitchy.

the best week.

wakeface — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 21:25:45 +0000

This week has been one of the best weeks I can remember having in a while, definitely this summer. I have seen old friends, gone sailing, enjoyed the outdoors, work has been continually enjoyable, I’m moving out of my awful apartment, friendships have gotten better. etc etc.

so, i haven’t been writing for my non-readers. but i have been doing a lot more living and i’ve been a lot happier in general lately.

“Well, she’d lain as still as a stone in my palm for a lifetime or two;
then saw the treetops and up and flew”

oh, damnit.

wakeface — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 09:31:45 +0000

haha. i fell off the wagon, in a big way, after day one. whoops.

Well, I have been inspired the past couple of nights, but too tired to write anything, or unable to think of something to say. So, today I just have some videos to post!

This is “Videogames” by Lana del Rey. Her voice is sultry and sweet and the lyrics are beautiful. The video has an old-timey feel that makes you feel nostalgic for something you may never have experienced before. Absolutely gorgeous. I’m currently watching it on repeat while I write this. Brandon and Joe showed me this a couple months ago and then, somehow, I forgot it existed. silly me, I am loving it so much.

Other videos can be found here. Man, Invisible Children. Not only are they fighting for the people in Uganda, but holy fuck can they make me realize, more than anyone else, just how much i need to get off my ass and do something.

Stop the excuses, here we go. life version 2.0.

(day 2.)

a tired new goal.

wakeface — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 09:30:07 +0000

Just write something. one thing, everyday. I think I can do that if I don’t put any pressures on myself about what to write. it could be a quotation or a picture or a new song I found. But, I should try to write something meaningful as well. Meaningful is a big word. Maybe, I’ll settle for interesting…

Today, I got home from work to discover a package on my bed. It was such a lovely surprise. An even bigger surprise was that the sender is a friend of my mom’s who I haven’t seen or even talked to in probably five years, at least. It was a book titled “Naked Spirit-uality” by Brian D. McLaren. (I’m unsure if they hyphen should remain, but I think if it was an accident–which I doubt–it was a happy accident). Anyway, I have no idea how to receive this. My parents are super Christian. Not so fundamentalist (you’re going to hell for being disrespectful) but evangelical and forgiving and relationship Christians (Sara, we are just worried about you and want you to find truth because you used to be happier). I have fallen away from any faith I once had. I think I still believe in something but it is about as abstract as it could possibly be.

This is to say that typically, I receive books like this from my dad to aid in my “walk towards truth” and it brings up all of my walls. However, there are absolutely no reason for the walls this time. Betsy was completely unassuming in her note (“if it doesn’t speak to you, pass it on”) and the author seems very unassuming (“You won’t need to agree with all the planks of my theological platform. [...] Instead of seeking theological agreement, this book invites you to experiment with the naked experience of God that provides the raw material from which all worthwhile theology derives.” vii)

But, still there was something in the writing that set off every alarm in my head when I started reading it. That scares me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be indoctrinated by this man because his words are gentle or subtle or he was a cool kid or whatever. But I don’t want to be indoctrinated by the opposite side either.

I would love to be in a place where I can read everything with an open mind so that I can finally figure out my own path, or at least see where to cut the branches away so I can start on that journey. Right now I’m just stagnant and angry.

(day 1)

oh me oh my.

wakeface — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 18:44:49 +0000

it has been a long time since I have written anything of substance on here. But, that is because I have been busy actually trying to do things with my life. AND I’ve been trying to document it, so more interesting blog posts should be coming soon. Also, Brandon (of roommate and friend status, as well as co-founder of bohemian cuddle box) has asked me to contribute to my favorite music blog: bohemiancuddlebox.com. I am so very excited. That should be coming soon.

wakeface — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 09:27:11 +0000

how to disagree with your entire family/upbringing (a memoir)

… coming soon?

dealing with shit.

wakeface — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 03:13:51 +0000

i’m pretty sure that when I’m trying to not deal with things that I really need to deal with, my body just makes me cry at really cheesy sitcoms to pay me back for not taking the real issues on on my own.

goddamnit. I just want to ignore these things!

wakeface — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 09:03:46 +0000

i just want to know what the fuck is wrong with me?

wakeface — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 05:00:46 +0000

What is it that makes procrastination so damn alluring? I have three papers to write in a week. One without a page limit (due Thursday), a yet-to-be-determined assignment (due Monday), and a 12-page research paper (due Friday). Obviously I have watched more than an entire season of Veronica Mars and drank a little over a bottle of wine in the last three days. This does not bode well.

Sigh, I’ve been in such a journal/letter/something writing mood lately and this is all that I have? Just more complaining about my own failings as a student.

New boy! He’s such a sweetheart. I’m not going to talk too much about him, reading back over past posts is just a little depressing. It turns out I only write on here for certain reasons: end of quarter, beginning of quarter, new boy, huge life changes regarding friends.

I’m so goddamn predictable.

wakeface — Tue, 03 May 2011 05:39:22 +0000

I am overwhelmed. and i feel so alone; although i am surrounded by those who love me. everyone has their own shit. and i don’t quite know how to deal with my own.

things are changing, and for the most part this is a good thing. but nights like tonight. i sit and i wonder when everything will come together, if there will ever be a time when i feel like i have at least some sort of handle on things. i sort of doubt it and, in one sense, that’s sort of lovely because it leaves something to strive for. but on the other hand,

i feel so overwhelmed.